


Golden Days

by Paracopter



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Izuo - Freeform, M/M, Self Harm, Shizaya - Freeform, celty x shinra, celty/shinra, durarara - Freeform, izaya orihara - Freeform, izaya x shizuo - Freeform, izaya/shizuo - Freeform, shinra x celty, shinra/celty, shizuo x izaya - Freeform, shizuo/izaya - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:34:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23898325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paracopter/pseuds/Paracopter
Summary: Izaya has made his fair share of mistakes. In fact, that would be an understatement. This time however, he's made one of the biggest mistakes of his life and he can't go back to change it. He feels lost, hopeless, and so fucking alone. So, he reaches out to the one person he knows can help him out.The one person that understands him the most.
Relationships: Heiwajima Shizuo/Orihara Izaya, Kishitani Shinra/Celty Sturluson
Comments: 3
Kudos: 23





	Golden Days

**Author's Note:**

> Just a warning. There is a self harm mention. I just want to make sure that people are informed. This is also a depressed, drinking Izaya so he is pouring out his emotions a lot more than he usually would. Please keep that in mind when reading. I hope you all enjoy!
> 
> Happy reading! :D

Izaya wanted to drink until he couldn’t think anymore. He wanted to be a thoughtless husk of a human. At least then he wouldn’t have to think about what he’d done to his body. God, he’d give anything to just go back to high school and start things all over again, starting with his friendship with Shinra. He drank some more wine from his cup, his hand trembling. There were tears streaming down his red, stinging face. He ached down there and it was unbearably painful, the cause of his trembling. Still, he refused to take the pain medication given to him because he thinks he deserves this pain for being so impulsive. He’s usually never like this. He always thinks ahead before doing something. _Always._  
  
It all started with what he’s seen. He spotted Shizuo and Tom walking into the bar. He waited a good ten minutes before going in and sitting down at the opposite side of them. He was there to just sit and observe. It was a busy night, so the place was pretty well populated. A group of girls approached the two and started talking with them. He remembered the way Shizuo would _laugh_ and drape his arm over one of them. He didn’t do anything past that, but it burned him up inside. He got up and stomped out of there before he could convince himself to stab her or threaten her. After he got home, his depressive shift had arrived and he started hating himself all over again just like clockwork.  
  
Right now his record started messing up and skipping continuously. How ironic. That’s all he is. A broken record. ‘I hate him’. ‘I hate him, Shinra’. ‘I could never feel anything for a beast like him’. Then here he is. It happens all the time..  
  
“Izaya! Get off your skinny ass and put in a new record or something! It’s starting to get annoying!” 

  
“Yes..take it out..”  
  
Izaya grits his teeth. “Leave me the hell alone!” That received an annoyed sigh in response as well as intensive whispers. Annoying.. He gets up wearily and walks over to the record, taking the needle away and putting away the record. He places another one in instead and sets the needle back down. Then he goes to sit on the couch in his room. His spacious, lonely room.. He grabs his wine glass again and swishes it in a small circular motion.  
  
If this gets out, he might as well not show his face in Ikebukuro ever again. Maybe he should change his name, dye his hair, get colored contacts, and start over with a new life. Still..he has his sisters to watch over, especially since his parents are always out of the house. He’s practically raised the both of them himself. No, he only really has one option. He has to stay. He knew if he left, he’d end up thinking about Shizuo and ultimately come back like he always does.  
  
Suddenly his cell phone started ringing. Ah, it took him long enough. He knew he was probably working on a new project or something. He picks up and brings the phone to his ear. He didn’t even bother saying ‘hello’. He knew Shinra would word-vomit at him and interrupt his greeting anyway, so he saw no point in trying.  
  
“I-Izaya?! Thank _god_ you picked up! I’m sorry, I was busy with work! I-I wasn’t checking my phone! Please tell me you didn’t hurt yourself! You _promised_ _me_ you’d never do that again! You better not have ignored our pinky promise back in high school!”  
  
“Shinra-”  
  
“B-Because if you did I’ll personally come over there to kick your ass! Do you think I _want_ to see you with cuts all over your fucking arms and legs?! I had to _wrestle_ the knife away from you! _Wrestle it!”_  
  
 _“Shinra-”_ _  
_ _  
_“What?! I’m _serious!”_ Shinra felt Celty hug him from behind, calming him down a bit. She types rapidly into her phone before tilting it to his view.  
  
‘Yelling doesn’t sound like the way to go, Shinra. Take a step back and try to _actually_ breathe.’  
  
Shinra blinks and pushes up his glasses, nodding softly. “I-Yeah..you’re right Celty. It’s just..I really worry about his well being.. Does that make me the mom of this friendship circle? Maybe? I just..” Shinra runs a hand through his hair restlessly. “Izaya you just sent me a text saying ‘help’. Just ‘help’. All lower case. With no period to be seen. How do you not expect me to just assume the worst??” There was a long pause. With every second that passed, Shinra grew more and more worried. Shinra turns his gaze down, feeling her slowly rub his stomach. For some reason doing that or rubbing his scalp always calmed his worries down. He reaches for her free hand and he grabs it, threading their fingers together, rubbing the back of her hand affectionately. A plume of smoke wafts out from her neck.  
  
“Can I f-f-finally ta-alk now?” Damn, he couldn’t even _talk_ right. So much for stalling.. On the other line, the cogs were turning in Shinra’s head. The theories started already, but with Celty’s rubbing he was a lot more calm about it. Man, she really knew how to make him putty in her arms, didn’t she? What a goddess..  
  
“Why are you stuttering like that? Did I…….call at a bad time??” He whispers the last part hesitantly. Izaya blinks.  
  
“No. I-I-If it..were..a bad time..I never..w-would’ve picked up.” That made sense for Shinra. Izaya has no problem ignoring phone calls when he doesn’t want to talk.  
  
“Soo..are you going to explain yourself or no??” Shinra nibbles on his bottom lip softly. 

“I..was at the bar.” He speaks through grit teeth, hoping that that would end his useless stuttering. “I saw..Shizuo and Tom. Girls..walked..up to them. Shizuo..laughed and put..his arm..around one of the girls..” He took a break from talking, breathing a bit harder than what was normal. Shinra bit his lip and nibbled on his softly. He felt Celty’s other hand start to rub against his scalp now, relaxing his body entirely.  
  
“Mmnn..so? What did you do? You didn’t stab her, did you?? Is that why I saw a team of cop cars speeding down the road yesterday??”  
  
“No..unrelated..incident. I left. Got..depressed. Went to the hospital. Demanded..appointment..by threatening with..knife..to..get operated on.” Izaya balls his free hand into a tight fist, opening and closing it to deal with this searing, unbearable pain. Shinra was thoroughly confused then.  
  
“You got..operated on?? I don’t think I’m following. Did you get your penis bigger? Lip injections?? Botox, what???” He wasn’t serious about those options, but little plumes of smoke kept coming out of Celty and her body shook softly. She was probably laughing. Cute.~ There was a long silence to the point where Shinra wondered if he’d accidentally hung up or something. Still, he knew Izaya better than anyone really. So, he waited and gave him the time he needed to answer. Finally he did.  
  
“Went..in..I..went in. I got..” He pauses. “Can’t...I can’t..”  
  
“Hey buddy it’s okay. There’s no rush. No race to the finish line, kay? Breathe and take your time.” Izaya did just that. He slowly breathes in, holds it, and lets it back out gradually.  
  
“I got..a..vagina..under..my dick..last night..” That. Wow. That’s something. That’s definitely something. What the hell.. Did he hear that wrong? Is the service getting funky or something? Is his hearing just getting out of whack? It was like Shinra’s soul left his body or he malfunctioned. Maybe someone told him to divide by zero? Now he’s just stalling in his own mind. _God, the things he deals with for friendship.._ He puts his finger over the speaker hard to smother it so Izaya couldn’t hear what he had to say next. He just kinda stares down at the small table in front of their shared couch. Celty types excessively fast.  
  
‘Are you _okay??_ What’s going _on??’_  
  
Shinra blinks. “I’m out of my element..”  
  
‘What?’ Shinra is about to take his finger off when Celty grabs his shirt and tugs on it.  
  
‘No, _hold on!_ What are you _talking about?!’_  
  
Shinra holds up a finger and takes his finger off of the speaker, bringing the phone up to his ear. “Please hold a moment.” Shinra goes over to this old radio he’s probably never used in his life and turns it to a soothing music station, setting the phone right by it. He comes back and sits back down on the couch, holding his head in his hands. Celty throws her hands up into the air. Of course, Shinra didn’t see her gesture though. This was the scary part about being Izaya’s friend. The pressure. He’s never felt pressured to be his friend, but when risky situations like this happen and Izaya’s mood turns for the worst he feels like he has to figure out the perfect thing to say because if he says one wrong thing it could ruin the entire situation. Plus if something does end up bothering Izaya when it comes to wording, he probably won’t hear about it from him until next month since he always stuffs things in. Finally Shinra picks his head and pushes up his glasses, patting his lap. Celty doesn’t move.  
  
“Celty..please..? I’ll tell you what’s going on. I promise. I just..need you right now..please?” There’s a pause and Celty relents, going over to sit onto his lap, facing him. She holds up her phone to his face. She’s probably already typed her response while he was clutching his head and contemplating his current position in life.  
  
 _‘What the hell is going on??’_ Shinra looks up at her and wraps his arms around her, pulling her close into a tight hug. She tenses, confused. Still, she hugs Shinra back.  
  
“Izaya went to the bar right? Then he saw Shizuo and Tom hangin’ out. Girls came up to them. Apparently Shizuo laughed and put his arm around one of the girls I guess. He gets up and leaves. Then..he goes to the hospital and threatens to use his knife on someone because he wanted an appointment to get an operation done..” He feels Celty slightly move her arms behind him. “I’m not done.” The small movement stops. Shinra lets out a slow sigh. “Apparently he got a vagina below his dick..” Shinra frowns softly. Now that the initial shock response has faded out, he sort of understood. At least he _thinks_ he gets it. He feels so bad for him..  
  
Celty shoots back and types at the speed of light. 

_‘What?!_ Why would he go and do _that?!_ ’  
  
“Think about it. He gets jealous, he leaves, he goes into a depressive rut, he gets an operation done. I think in his own odd way it’s like..reassurance. So it’s like ‘oh he’s talking to those girls. Well I have the same parts they do, so I stand a fighting chance.’ Oh boy..Celty I don’t know what to say. I’m at a loss here..am I a bad friend??” He asks hesitantly.  
  
‘No, of _course_ not. Izaya is _lucky_ to have a friend as patient and dedicated as you..’  
  
‘Uhh, as for what to say..I think you should just give him reassurance. _Real_ reassurance. No lying to him and don’t make him feel bad, or start interrogating him. He probably already regrets it. I mean..’  
  
‘That’s a _really big_ decision to _make_ in such a short time and _plus_ that choice was all based around hurt and negative emotions..I can’t believe I actually feel _bad_ for him..’  
  
“I know Izaya has done a lot of fucked up shit Celty, but-”  
  
‘Fucked up shit doesn’t even _begin_ to _cover it’_  
  
“But we have history. He _needs_ me around. What sort of friend would I be if I didn’t help him out? Plus, I just..I can’t walk away when someone is suffering like that..”  
  
‘So you’re sure he _isn’t_ emotionally manipulating you?’  
  
 _“Celty!”_

‘I’m just making sure! He’s a slippery _guy!’_ Shinra sighs.  
  
“No. You’ve seen enough of him to know he isn’t one to show any vulnerable emotions at _all._ I don’t even think he’d be able to handle faking those emotions without getting even a little uncomfy.”  
  
‘Well..ya got a point there.’  
  
‘You should..probably pick up the phone before he hangs up on you, Shinra.’  
  
“You’re right..” Celty gets off of him and Shinra picks himself up and goes over to the radio, turning it off and hesitantly bringing the phone up to his face. “Okay, Shinra’s here! So, le-” He blinks.  
  
 _He hung up on him.._ _  
__  
__Ah.._ _  
__  
_“He hung up on me..oh no. Oh no. No, no, no, _no!”_ He almost drops his phone as he frantically goes to recall him. Celty hurries up to him and shows him her phone, shaking it softly by his face when he didn’t look.  
  
“I-I’m just worried. I don’t want him to think that I just chose not to answer or that I’m just going to abandon him and toss him to the curb just because he makes _one mistake.”_ He shakes his head, smiling sadly. “I mean, who _doesn’t_ make a mistake like that once in their life?? Right??”  
  
 _‘Breathe..’_ Shinra finally looks over and nods softly. She carries him over to their bedroom and sits down, plopping him on her lap and wrapping her arms firmly around him. Shinra blushes softly from the attention alone, but he swallows hard and presses the call button.  
  
 _Ring.._ _  
__  
__Ring.._ _  
__  
__Ring.._ _  
__  
__Ring.._ _  
__  
__Ring.._ _  
__  
_“Oh, _come on!”_ Shinra pleads. Celty sneaks her hands underneath his shirt and starts to rub his bare stomach. Shinra lets out a sigh and relaxes under her intoxicatingly sweet touch. No answer. That’s fine. It’s probably payback for putting him on hold too long. He can play that game. So Shinra just calls again. Then again. Again. Another time. Once more with feeling. Before he could go into a full blown _panic,_ Izaya starts calling him.  
  
 _“OH, THANK GOD!”_ Celty nearly jumped straight out of her skin, digging her fingers into him as she did. Shinra only blushed deeper. “Hah..sorry Celty..didn’t mean to spook you.” He laughs sheepishly before rubbing the back of his neck and picking up the phone.  
  
“Jeez, it took you long enough. Did you get impatient??”  
  
 _“Say it.”_  
  
“Mm..? Come again?”  
  
 _“Say. It.”_  
  
“Umm..say what?”  
  
“You know what I mean, don’t play stupid.”  
  
“I’m not ‘playing stupid’. Here before you respond to that, is it cool if I put you on speaker? I promise the only other person here besides me is Celty. You two get along….for the most part.” There was a short pause.  
  
“Fine.”  
  
“Fine?? That kinda sounds like I’m making you. Seriously, you don’t have t-”  
  
 _“Shinra-”_ _  
__  
_“Okay, okay! Calm down. Putting you on speaker as we speak.” He presses the speaker button on his phone. “Aaannddd, you are on speaker. So. Why didn’t you pick up when I called, buddy?”  
  
“You..ugh..only call me that when-when you think I’m..doing something stupid.” He spoke in short bursts now as he still fights through the pain. Shinra tilts his head to the side and sets his phone down next to them, relaxing back against Celty.  
  
“Well..did you??”  
  
“Tch, no.” Izaya was now curled up into a ball, hugging himself tight and laying on his side with his phone in front of him and on speaker as well. He felt like he might be sick at any given moment. He hears Shinra sigh in relief, causing him to roll his eyes.  
  
“Good..” A pause. Shinra knew he shouldn’t pause for too long though since Izaya _hates_ awkward silences. They usually mean someone is lost in their own mind and could be thinking about _anything_ that they won’t say out loud. It just makes him anxious is all. “So, back to business. Having a vagina..that’s..a huge step. That’s not something people just go and do on a whim, but..I know why you did it. You just want something to cling to, right? You want to hold onto that hope of ‘maybe he’ll love me if I do this’. Still..you don’t need to change yourself anymore for him. I mean you aren’t even sure if he likes you back.”  
  
 _‘Shinra!_ What’d you go and say _that_ for?!’  
  
“What?? What did I say??”  
  
 _‘You aren’t even sure if he likes you back??_ Don’t rub it _in..’_ Shinra widens his eyes. “Celty..” She really does care about him. Even if it is just a little bit. That’s good _enough_ for him.   
  
_“I know that. Th-Thanks for..the reminder.”_  
  
“I-I’m sorry! It-It came out wrong. You know me, right?? Sometimes I just speak stupid a-”  
  
 _“Whatever..”_ _  
__  
_Shinra decided to move on from there quickly so he couldn’t dwindle on that. “What did you mean by ‘say it’, though?”  
  
“I _mean,_ say what you’re both thinking inside your heads right now.”  
  
 _“I..It feels nice to be held in Celty’s lap??”_  
  
‘That’s _sweet,_ but not what he meant.’  
  
“Then what did he mean?”  
  
‘Hell if _I_ know..’  
  
“Say I’m a whore! C-Call me stupid! Yell at me! Call me worthless!” Izaya choked up and went silent.  
  
“Oh no..” Shinra frowned. “You’ve been drinking excessively again haven’t you..? Izaya-”  
  
“Don’t you _dare_ talk to me as if I’m your child! Don’t give me a lecure! I’m a full grown adult and I can make my own damn choices!” He fights through the pain as hard as he can.  
  
“I know that, I-”  
  
“Go ahead! Go right fucking ahead! Tell me what you always do! That ‘maybe’ he’ll come around! That ‘maybe’ he’ll give a damn! ‘Maybe’ he secretly loves me to pieces! ‘Maybe’ he loves and hates me back! Say it!”  
  
“I-”  
  
 _“SAY IT!”_ Izaya practically screams into the phone, sobbing and shaking hard. There was a long silence and only the sounds of his own pained sobs can be heard. “Every time I close my fucking eyes I just see her! I see her hanging onto _my_ Shizu-chan! I see her press her body against his! I see her tempting him with her body and her lips! I see him taking her to his house, I see her teasing him, I see clothes thrown away, I see her being tossed onto his bed, I see him pounding her! Ahhhhhh!” He starts pounding his fists onto the bed. Soon he stops and tries to wipe the tears from his eyes so he can actually see more than blurred colors, but it’s a fool's effort.  
  
“I deserve that! At least once! _I_ deserve that! I’ve been here the whole fucking time! _I’ve_ been here! _Me!”_ He bites his lip hard enough for it to bleed, feeling it slowly trickle down his chin. “I’m the only one that’s truly not afraid of him! I can handle his strength! I can _handle_ him! I know what he _likes!”_ He ends his spiel by sobbing into his arms. He picks his head back up after a couple of minutes. "It doesn't even matter in the end though." He plasters on his best fake smile, knowing fully well that he couldn't even see it. "One look at what I've done to my body and he'll call me an abomination, but I suppose I deserve that, right? I deserve that.." That smile gradually turns down into a lifeless frown.   
  
Shinra had no idea what to say to that. He’s right. He can’t just lie to him and say that maybe a part of Shizuo loves him because it wouldn’t be true. Not completely anyway. He _can_ say things that Tom has said about him though. He’d have to believe it then since Tom is one of Shizuo’s best friends.  
  
“I talked to Tom a little recently.”  
  
No answer. Just silence accompanied by hard, shaky breaths. Shinra didn’t mind.  
  
“He told me that whenever you’re gone, Shizuo always ends up talking about you. Even if the conversation wasn’t about you. He rants about you all the time when you’re gone.” He wasn’t going to say everything that Tom said because it wasn’t in his place to. No, Tom and him can give Izaya and Shizuo a little push, but they have to come together themselves if they really want this to work.  
  
  


_“He does..?”_

“Yeah. Especially when you leave town. He has no one to argue or fight with anymore so he’s just spending his time doing other things. Tom says he thinks every time that Shizuo rants, it's his way to vent about how much he misses you. _I_ think he _needs_ you. You two are like Batman and Joker. Iconic, at each other’s throats, but in the thick of it they realize that they need each other to thrive.”  
  
“Does he...talk about me..e-even with girls there..??”  
  
“Sure he does. He talks about your battles and how close he came to catching you. At first Tom thought it was a way of bragging to the ladies, but honestly Shizuo gets a bit awkward when it comes to receiving so much attention at once. Plus he isn’t one to just brag about his strength either. He brings you up every chance he gets.”  
  
“Shizu-chan..Sh-Shizu-chan..” Izaya hugs himself tight. Shinra feels horrible that Izaya is going through so much pain and he can only do so much to help him out. He can’t just wave a magic one or create a device that’ll fix him. It might help him _feel_ better, but it still doesn’t eliminate the _problem._  
  
“Izaya..why do you keep pausing between words, stuttering, and talking so fast?? What’s going on??”  
  
 _“I haven’t taken my pain medication since I came home..”_ Shinra blinks.  
  
“WHAT?!”  
  
“I deserve it..for being so damned stupid..”  
  
“Take it for me. Please, _please Izaya..jesus christ..”_ Celty hugs tighter onto him.  
  
“No..”  
  
“Then..take it for Shizuo. I’m not going to sit here and feed you any lies, but if he _did_ love you?? He’d want you to stop making yourself suffer. He’d want you to take it. He’d want you to take it and then take a nice, hot bath. He’d want you to take care of yourself. Will you do that for him..?”  
  
“Shinra-”  
  
 _“Will you??”_ _  
__  
_“Yes..” He’d do anything for Shizu-chan..anything.  
  
“Then do it. I’m calling back every hour on the hour until I make sure you’re okay. One hundred percent okay.”  
  
“A-Alright. I relent. I’ll take them and take a hot bath.”  
  
 _“Good.”_ He lets out a soft sigh. “Listen to me. I will _always_ be here for you. Celty too. We are on your _side._ Try not to forget that or take us for granted, okay?”  
  
“Okay..”  
  
“Bye Izaya. Take care of yourself.”  
  
“I will. Bye.”  
  
Then that was it. What’s done is done. Shinra sighs heavily, feeling like a huge weight’s been lifted off his shoulders. “I really hope he’s gonna be okay Celty..” Shinra tears up a bit. “I _hate_ hearing him like that. I hate _seeing_ him in so much pain. I just really want this to work out..” Tears run down his face and Celty swivels his body around.  
  
 _‘Hey, hey, hey!_ It’s alright. Everything’s going to be okay. You’ll see..’  
  
Shinra sniffs. “C-Celty!” He hugs her tight and cries into her. She rubs his back and rocks him softly until Shinra ends up calming down and falling asleep. She sets him down and puts the covers over them, cuddling him close to her body. Welp, this whole day has just gone to shit, hasn’t it? First a delivery job goes horribly wrong, their home almost _blows up_ from a test gone crazy, and now this?? Everything’s going wrong and bursting at the seams, but..somehow she has a feeling that things might find a way to work themselves out. So, she brings out her phone one last time to text Izaya. 

  
_Izaya..I hope things work out in the end and..I’m sorry things had to go this way._

_  
__I really_ _ am.. _

_  
_**_Thank you.._ ** **_  
_** **_  
_** _Anytime. I mean it. Shinra fell asleep on me, but I'll call in an hour to check up on you. Don't do anything stupid.   
  
**I won't.** **  
  
**Good, because like it or not you mean a lot to Shinra. Your friendship means the world to him.   
  
**You don't have to be so civil with me. I know you don't like me. Honestly, I don't blame you..** **  
  
**I'm warming my way up to you. I definitely don't agree with the things you've done, but tonight has been very..enlightening.   
  
**Is that so? Well I suppose now I have two friendships forced upon me.   
  
**Exactly. See? Even you have the ability to make friends. You have people that care about you. Never forget that.   
  
**Again, thank you. I appreciate your efforts, but I really do have to go now. I will talk to you in two hours. I'll be taking a while in the bath.   
  
**Alright, two hours then.   
  
**Celty?  
  
** Yes?  
  
 **When Shinra wakes up, tell him I said thank you and..that he's my best friend.  
  
** I will. I promise.   
_

**Author's Note:**

> I hope everyone liked it. I wanted to make a weird concept like this and challenge it by having it make sense. I called it Golden Days from the song of the same name by panic at the disco. It makes me think of Shinra and Izaya's friendship apart from some lyrics. It just has that feel of hope. Like Shinra being like, 'I will always be there no matter what' even when Izaya wants to just give up. It's about how they started out in the past and the fond memories they had too. Shinra holds the past very near and dear to him. 
> 
> Constructive criticism is welcome! Don't be shy! :D


End file.
